Pope Borat has issued another load of Papal Bull on the eve of the American election.
Titled “The Subsequent Bull of Glorious Collectivist Infallibility and Delivery of Prodigious Encyclical to World Regime for Make Benefit Once All-Powerful Romana Curia,” the 43,000-word statement begins by recycling the stout American political standby “let me be clear.”
“As I have clearly said,” writes the Argentinian collectivist once known as Jorge Bergoglio.
What follows are several hundred Boraticisms that make sense only when read in isolation from the Bull as a whole.
“A person who thinks only about building walls, wherever they may be, and not building bridges, is not Christian,” writes Pope Borat, while elsewhere extolling his “full ownership, exclusive dominion, and sovereign authority and jurisdiction” over a private walled city-state.
“I am worried by the hypocrisy of certain political personalities who speak of the problem of hunger in the world, but in the meantime manufacture weapons,” Borat writes. A few paragraphs later he reminisces about the time he betrayed Fathers Yorio and Jalics to the military dictatorship of Argentina.
Borat also denounces “free market” capitalism as “a profit-based economic model that does not hesitate to exploit, discard and even kill human beings” before noting that the Vatican once laundered money for the Mafia and former Nazis and has a Gross Domestic Product of $365,796 per capita, making it the richest state on the planet.
Private property is a special bugaboo for Pope Borat, who tells 1.3 billion Catholics that “if one person lacks what is necessary to live with dignity, it is because another person is detaining it” and then goes on to praise the Vatican’s economic minister for “discovering hundreds of millions of euros that did not appear on the balance sheet.”
Borat ends his Bull with a touching story about a Roman policeman who saw a homeless man on the street.
“In Rome recently, in the midst of the quarantine, a policeman said to a man: ‘You can’t be on the street, go home,'” Borat writes. “The man’s response was: ‘I have no home. I live in the street.'”
Pope Borat concludes that he “would like to dwell on that point, but here in the Santa Marta residence we have two shifts for meals and the cardinals expect me to change out of my onesie.”