Three separate kleptocratic regimes have threatened to kidnap former Vice President Joe Biden’s son and hold him hostage if Donald Trump is re-elected President of the United States, according to a bombshell report that was scrubbed from the New York Times website late last night.
“Russia is the only country with ties to the Biden family that has not announced plans to hold the younger Biden hostage,” wrote Times reporter Walter Duranty, Jr. “We believe this is because 1932 called Russian President Putin and wants its foreign press back.”
The threats are part of an ongoing campaign of “hostage diplomacy” against the U.S. by cash-soaked and highly corrupt countries that Hunter Biden has done business with since his father became Barack Obama’s Vice President in 2009.
The Biden For President campaign said Joe has pledged to “return all campaign donations” collected from the three foreign governments if they will just leave his son alone and rejoin the community of nations.
“I have an American C-130 loaded with pallets of cash in small unmarked bills ready to land in your countries at a moment’s notice when Trump wins,” Biden said. “If I win, Hunter promises never to do business with you again.”
Hunter Biden did not respond to several sexy text messages sent by the sultry Sacramento Brie intern.