In a bold move to “attack the root causes of crime,” the Democratic Socialists of America will attempt to outlaw jealousy in New York City.
“At first glance, the plan sounds ridiculous, but we think we have a real shot with the upcoming city council election,” said Rep. Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez. “We’re going to start by taxing the rich and canceling rent. If we can do that, jealousy could be eliminated in a few years. If not, the majority Socialist council will just outlaw jealousy itself.”
According to the New York Post, “the strategy is detailed in a 13-page ‘tasks and perspectives’ strategic planning document that will be reviewed by DSA members this week.”
Historians say the plan could be the first successful attempt in human history to eliminate the primary cause of crimes of passion, white-collar financial crimes, and even the crime of keeping up with the Joneses.
“Imagine there’s no inequality. Without jealousy, it isn’t hard to do,” said AOC, who added that she “welcomes the hatred of ignorant people who oppose fairness.”