Credentialed journalists across America agreed today that if Democrats held the White House they would fill Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s seat on the Supreme Court before the November election, and that’s why they hate President Trump.
“We hate him because even the Burger King will do exactly what Democrats would do if they had the chance,” said token New York Times Republican David Brooks. “It’s not fair.”
Erin Carmax, author of Undisputed RBG, said Ginsburg was so reverent about a Court that inexplicably includes Associate Justice Brett Kavanaugh that she couldn’t bear the idea of being replaced by Donald Trump.
“Unlike that Brett guy, she was a whole person,” Carmax said. “It was bad enough seeing him take a seat, and she wanted her legacy to not be defined by being replaced by the Burger King. That is the great tragedy of this moment.”
Senate Majority Leader Cocaine Mitch said categorically that the King’s nominee “will receive a vote on the floor of the United States Senate even if we have to use illegal substances to stay awake until November 3.”