The Pearl District Business Association in Portland, Oregon, announced today the winner of the Sixth Annual Social Justice Award.
“This year, the board couldn’t choose just one winner,” said PDBA chairman M.A. Osterman. “So many have given meaningful support, but none have exhibited more excellence in social justice reform than the hundreds of people who occupied Mayor Ted Wheeler’s condo last night.”
“So the award goes to the social justice warriors we’re calling The 300,” Osterman proudly said. “They bravely marched into the Pearl, looted a dentist’s office, and threw burning newspapers into Wheeler’s residential building where 114 families make their homes.”
“Their courage is moving, and Mayor Wheeler has graciously agreed to present the trophy,” said Osterman, visibly shaken and using his coronavirus mask to wipe away tears of gratitude.
“We’ve reached Night 95 in the war to save Western Civilization from the barbarians,” Wheeler told The 300, many of whom had been arrested and released the night before.
“The fire was quickly put out, and nobody on the 16th floor was really at risk of burning to death,” the mayor said. “Such a trivial act of arson isn’t a betrayal of the Black Lives Matter protests. It’s a vital aspect of the movement.”
Wheeler, who is running for reelection in November, also said he has no plans to resign.
The Social Justice Award is given each year to the business which has done the most to support and further social justice reform in the Pearl, Portland, and beyond.
The Mission of the Pearl District Business Association is to promote the Pearl District as the region’s premier destination for dining, shopping, art, and living. Their goal is to enhance the vitality of business by providing value to their members and to the community.
Editor’s Note: Mission Accomplished.