Portland, Ore. (Reuters) — A mostly-peaceful militia commanded by Portland warlord Chico Orgulloso intercepted a United Nations convoy yesterday and redistributed the humanitarian aid destined for the starving people of the city.
Orgulloso’s forces pushed into the people’s autonomous zone in the early morning hours, occupying the convoy and discussing the democratic allocation of food with police and protesters.
Reports indicate the warlord then seized several tons of supplies, including 10,000 packs of Earth’s Best Organic Toddler Snacks Crunchin’ Crackers and 300 pounds of powdered Kabrita Goat Milk.
Portland has been under siege for three months by an opposing force of mostly-peaceful protesters who are trying to liberate indigenous land illegally occupied by white farmers.
More than 20,000 adults were depending on the food to survive the siege.