Newsom’s ‘Edict on Maximum Rent’ to ‘check extreme greed of landlords’

Gavin Newsom, who established the Office of the Homeless Inquisition in January to take care of the state’s 156,000 homeless people, admitted today that the Inquisition hasn’t worked and the Golden State needs a different approach.

“We must immediately check the extreme greed of landlords across the entire state,” says Newsom’s executive order. The Edict on Maximum Rent takes effect Jan. 1, 2021.

This avarice, with no thought of the common need, is ravaging the wealth of those in extremes of need,” says Newsom’s order. “We — the protectors of the human race — have agreed that justice should intervene as arbiter, so that the solution which mankind itself could not supply might, by the remedies of our foresight, be applied to the general betterment of all.”

Sen. Kamala Harris, the hopeful vice president under a hoped-for Joe Biden administration and alternatively of Tamil and Afro-Caribbean descent, depending on which is most politically useful at the moment, said the Edict is brilliant.

“The Edict is a brilliant solution that will replace the need for taxpayers to purchase tax-deductible housing indulgences,” Harris said. “No one should ever have to choose between paying their rent each month or feeding their children, even if they’re childless 45-year-old gay alcoholic San Francisco writers who can’t afford to live on their own because they prefer the ego-swelling high of a byline to a higher salary.”

The country is facing an eviction and homelessness crisis like never before, Harris said. “The Edict rightly notes that immoderate prices are widespread, and men — it’s always men, isn’t it? — always seek to profit, to restrain general prosperity, to individually abound in great riches which could completely satisfy whole nations.”

The Edict decrees that “there be established a maximum rent so that when the violence of high prices appears anywhere, avarice might be checked.”

Concern for humanity in general persuades us to set a limit to the avarice of such men,” the governor’s order continues. “Profiteers, covertly attacking the public welfare, are extorting prices from rental units such that a single mom is deprived of food and medicine for her children with one month’s rent.”

With unemployment skyrocketing and so many Americans struggling to make ends meet, the Edict calls on “the loyalty of all” to obey “a law constituted for the public good.”

Author: Huey P. Newsom

Huey P. "Navin" Newsom was born a poor black child who reported illegal immigrants to ICE before he wised up and invented the Sanctuary City. Today, Navin is the governor-in-waiting of California. As the leader of the Democratic Socialists for Self Defense, he plans to wall off the city of Oakland to protect undocumented immigrants from Darrell Steinberg's secret Nazi police force.

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