‘Racism’ finally exterminated as Merriam-Webster removes word from dictionary; or, ‘how to be anti-racist in 2020’

Last year, we tried to help our readers figure out “How to be not a racist in 2020.” We apologize. Now that Merriam-Webster has removed the word “racism” from the English dictionary, we realize it was never enough to be “not a racist.”

We must be “anti-racist.” And by “we” we mean “wypipo.” But not all wypipo, because the degenerate form of this race is irredeemable. The common white person is incapable of feeling the necessary guilt to be anti-racist.

But, if you are representative of the much higher form of wypipo who are able to express their virtue — a significant advance over Darwin — then this guide on “how to be anti-racist in 2020” is for you.

First, just like the founders of Black Lives Matter, embrace your inner Marxist and admit that Jews, Jesuits, Mexicans, Indians from India, Slavonians, Greeks, Wallachians, and even African Americans who are Marxists, are probably not sufficiently anti-racist to be considered loyal to the cause. This is similar to our advice from last year, but different because now you’re a Marxist. (If you don’t know who the Wallachians are, just admit you hate them anyway because that’s the first step for wypipo on the road to being anti-racist.)

Second, even though the word no longer exists, get used to feeling intense guilt about racism; especially if you’ve never been a racist, because in fact that only makes you the worst kind of racist. And don’t hurry to get rid of the feeling, either, because “the racism in you and me and every white person is not going away.” Ever. Thus, let the the self-hate flow through you.

Third — and most critically — invest yourself in the truth, and only the truth, that black lives matter. If anyone ever asks, you must deny that Marxists are now exploiting, or have ever exploited, race in America or any other country.

For instance, if someone tells you that the first black American to be trained as a Marxist in the Soviet Union died in a Soviet prison camp after being labeled a “counterrevolutionary,” you must politely insist that: 1) black lives matter to Marxists; 2) Marxists don’t have power and thus are incapable of racism; 3) Marxists do not want America to become a Communist state; and 4) that you are not a counterrevolutionary and thus cannot listen to an enemy of Communism without reporting them to Black Lives Matter.

If you can do all this without being labeled a counterrevolutionary, dear wypipo, you will finally be anti-racist enough to participate in tearing down statues of Ulysses S. Grant (the Union general who defeated the Confederacy), Hans Christian Heg (an abolitionist who died in battle against the Confederacy), and Jesus Christ (a famous white-supremacist.)

As magnanimous Marxists ourselves, we at the Brie leave it to you, dear wypipo, to determine what must be done with the degenerate form of your race, if they refuse to follow this simple three-step program.

Author: Huey P. Newsom

Huey P. "Navin" Newsom was born a poor black child who reported illegal immigrants to ICE before he wised up and invented the Sanctuary City. Today, Navin is the governor-in-waiting of California. As the leader of the Democratic Socialists for Self Defense, he plans to wall off the city of Oakland to protect undocumented immigrants from Darrell Steinberg's secret Nazi police force.

3 thoughts

  1. (slow applause)
    I read this, and had to remind myself that plagiarism is when you only steal from one source, and research is when you steal from many sources. I can almost make all of the sources you pulled from, but the whole thing read like a 1930’s Russian newspaper with names swapped out.

    You should put these in a book. The satire is lost on the internet.

    Like

    1. Here’s my marketing plan for the new book: 1) admit I’m a racist; 2) publicly commit to being anti-racist; 3) threaten to stab anyone who won’t join me; 4) publish my new book, “Okay, Already. I’m a Racist. Now Buy My Book.”; 5) go on the cable talk show circuit; 6) admit the entire book was plagiarized; 7) join the pantheon of rich liberal authors.

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.