A failed experiment to curb climate change with technology has led researchers at Harvard University — funded by Bill Gates — to try a radically different approach.
The Stratospheric Controlled Perturbation Experiment (SCoPEx) — which sent a balloon 13 miles into the air, where it released small particles calcium carbonate into the stratosphere — failed to achieve the goal of blocking out the sun.
“So we decided instead to send Stacey Abrams, the Governor of Alt-Georgia, to do the job a balloon couldn’t do,” said the notoriously dispassionate Gates. “She’ll only be up there for about 24 hours, long enough for us to measure changes in atmospheric chemistry and light.”
The attempt represents a radical change in direction for Harvard and Gates, who until now have depended on failed gas-filled politicians to order them this way and that, the goal being the destruction of the world economic system instead of ending the climate’s natural fluctuations.
“The supply of failed politicians with sufficient girth is somewhat unstable,” Gates said. “So if the Abrams launch is successful, SCoPEx will try a Very Large Array of officials of lesser mass.”
The list of such failed officials isn’t complete, but is rumored to include U.S. Senator Bernie Sanders and International Monetary Fund managing director Christine Lagarde.