Two new books featuring “America’s sexiest moderate” will soon be available for families who desperately need the soothing therapy of adult coloring because they feel morally compelled to vote for Creepy Uncle Joe from Delaware who spent the last 40 years grooming young girls and invading the female space.
The first — “Hot Cup of Joe” — is designed for voters who just want to escape into a fantasy world where Joe is a cuddly 80-year-old grandpa who makes you breakfast every morning but has the hardbody of a fighter pilot.
“Hot Cup of Joe” is available with the reader’s choice of two 3D pop-out centerfolds: “Uncle Joe With the Blonde Leg Hair Children Love to Rub” for the kiddos, or “Joe’s Penetrating Fingers With the Kung Fu Grip” for women who desperately need a strong man in the White House.
The second adult coloring book — “Calm The F*ck Down, You Lying Dog-Faced Pony Soldier” — is geared more toward Democrat readers who can consciously sacrifice a few women to elect the man who abused those women but once bravely faced down a razor-wielding gang leader named Corn Pop.
Because coloring isn’t enough to help some people assuage their guilt for exchanging their feminist values to get another old white male rapist into the White House, “Calm The F*ck Down” comes with a Care Bear and an all-access pass to the closest university Safe Space.