The Big Incomplete List of Reasons You Should Believe Joe Biden but Not All Women

All women who claim sexual assault are equal, but some women are more equal than others.

You should #BelieveAllWomen unless they’re less equal than the women you believe. In that case you should believe Joe Biden.

Biden has a long history of touching women inappropriately, but there is no pattern of sexual misconduct by Biden, beyond hugs, kisses and touching that women previously said made them uncomfortable.

The mainstream press has never treated Joe’s history of touching numerous women inappropriately in public as a serious issue, so neither should you.

Joe Biden denies Tara Reade’s allegations, and he also denies allegations from a lot of other women.

Everyone in Delaware knows about Joe’s history of touching people, and they elected him Senator repeatedly between 1973 and 2009, so you should believe Joe and elect him President.

One Democrat woman candidate who felt “embarrassed,” “shocked,” “confused,” and “powerless” by Biden’s touching also plagiarized Sen. Bernie Sanders and Sen. Elizabeth Warren, and Biden plagiarized other politicians so you should believe Joe.

The Washington Post said Biden just forgets that “‘Mad Men’ is a TV show, not a guide for modern workplace conduct” but that was before the #MeToo movement and we’re way past that now.

Neither the former vice president nor his staff recall any incidents of sexual misconduct by Biden.

Funny talk show hosts think Biden has been “super creepy” for 40 years, but that he should be President even if he does call women lying dog-faced pony soldiers when he’s not sniffing their hair and planting long, slow, kisses on the back of their heads because maybe it’s just a hilarious Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response.

Biden made female Secret Service agents uncomfortable by routinely swimming naked when he was Vice President, but that’s just because women are known to gossip.

Alyssa Milano used to say “believe all women” but now doesn’t “feel comfortable throwing away a decent man” she’s known for 15 years, so you should believe Joe Biden.

Biden wrote that “April was Sexual Assault Awareness Month” and he knows he has a “responsibility to be a voice, an advocate, and a leader for change.”

After 40 years of touching women inappropriately, Joe is just too old to change himself. But if elected president he’ll give a four-year sermon on how all other men must change even if they’ve never sexually harassed anyone.

Believe Joe Biden.

Author: Huey P. Newsom

Huey P. "Navin" Newsom was born a poor black child who reported illegal immigrants to ICE before he wised up and invented the Sanctuary City. Today, Navin is the governor-in-waiting of California. As the leader of the Democratic Socialists for Self Defense, he plans to wall off the city of Oakland to protect undocumented immigrants from Darrell Steinberg's secret Nazi police force.

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