Kim Jong Un saved by capitalist robot cat from 22nd century

News reports smuggled out of North Korea say the country’s leader Kim Jong Un is alive and well thanks to Doraemon, a robot cat from the 22nd century who provided a cure from the Future Department Store.

“We almost had him killed when he materialized in the clinic,” said Chief of the North Korean military Gen. Pak Jong-chon. “But then he pulled the vial of medicine from a four-dimensional pouch on his waist.”

The report also says Gen. Pak almost had the cat killed a second time when he realized it was a capitalist robot from the future.

News of the miracle cure is being suppressed in favor of a narrative that Kim died while undergoing heart surgery but is now Un-dead and leading an army to reunify North and South Korea.

Less credible rumors say the Communist dictator was injured slightly while personally firing a cruise missile sometime before the Day of the Sun celebration that commemorates the birth of regime founder Kim Il Sung.

Author: Huey P. Newsom

Huey P. "Navin" Newsom was born a poor black child who reported illegal immigrants to ICE before he wised up and invented the Sanctuary City. Today, Navin is the governor-in-waiting of California. As the leader of the Democratic Socialists for Self Defense, he plans to wall off the city of Oakland to protect undocumented immigrants from Darrell Steinberg's secret Nazi police force.

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