President Donald Trump issued Executive Order 2020 today, declaring a “mulligan” for the United States of America and mandating that the calendar year start over on May 1.
“America is officially and finally sick of the ‘charter of negative liberties’ that says what the federal government can’t do to you,” the order proclaims. “On May 1, 2020, the United States will break free of its Constitutional constraints and preserve our individual freedoms by taking collective action, not just to restart the economy, but to restart the entire year.”
Trump addressed the nation from the golf course simulator he installed in the White House last year.
“People have been asking for the great American do-over, so I’m going to give us the bigliest do-over ever,” Trump said. “We’re going to have summer in January. It’s going to be fantastic.”
Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell said he supports the order but that it doesn’t go far enough to not let the coronavirus crisis go to waste.
“Until now, America has suffered from not having a Constitution that guarantees the positive rights of government,” McConnell said. “The coronavirus has proven that individual states needs economic rights, and Federalism demands that America must let the states declare bankruptcy.”
McConnell also said Order 2020 opens the door to an extensive list of positive rights for all levels of government, not just for Washington DC.
“If your city wants to broadcast the Muslim call to prayer, it can do that,” McConnell said. “If your board of supervisors wants to declare your small bakery both essential and bigoted, it can redistribute your business to someone else for the collective good. And if your governor needs to pause the Third Amendment and house National Guard troops in your house, well, she can do that too.”
Order 2020 also says:
- “Being true to our founding documents does not require us all to define liberty in exactly the same way.”
- “The Trump administration defines liberty as the right to change the calendar just like Pope Gregory XIII did in 1582.”
- “Government is simply the name we give to the things we choose to do together, like collectively allowing the president to nationalize entire industries and change the calendar in times of crisis.”