Captain America arrested in Sonoma County for ‘inadequate facial covering’

Captain America was arrested in Sonoma County today while attempting to protest new public orders that require millions of California residents to wear “some sort of cloth, fabric, or other soft or permeable material, without holes, that covers only the nose and mouth and surrounding areas of the lower face.”

“I can’t breathe,” Captain America said before being led away in handcuffs.

“I hate to have anyone arrested, but Mr. America was just told that some sort of mask or other permeable material must cover the mouth and nose and he still couldn’t get it right,” said Sonoma County’s acting Public Health officer, Dr. Erin Gustafson. “Honestly, if your superhero disguise is more important than a public health order, you deserve a $1,000 fine and 90 days in jail.”

Captain America will be released on his own recognizance in 90 days.

Author: Huey P. Newsom

Huey P. "Navin" Newsom was born a poor black child who reported illegal immigrants to ICE before he wised up and invented the Sanctuary City. Today, Navin is the governor-in-waiting of California. As the leader of the Democratic Socialists for Self Defense, he plans to wall off the city of Oakland to protect undocumented immigrants from Darrell Steinberg's secret Nazi police force.

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