Captain America was arrested in Sonoma County today while attempting to protest new public orders that require millions of California residents to wear “some sort of cloth, fabric, or other soft or permeable material, without holes, that covers only the nose and mouth and surrounding areas of the lower face.”
“I can’t breathe,” Captain America said before being led away in handcuffs.
“I hate to have anyone arrested, but Mr. America was just told that some sort of mask or other permeable material must cover the mouth and nose and he still couldn’t get it right,” said Sonoma County’s acting Public Health officer, Dr. Erin Gustafson. “Honestly, if your superhero disguise is more important than a public health order, you deserve a $1,000 fine and 90 days in jail.”
Captain America will be released on his own recognizance in 90 days.