Michigan Pharaoh Whitmer refuses to let Trump’s people go, willing to risk more plagues

LANSING, MI — Just a few hours after Trump threatened another plague unless a loosely-allied group of state and local tyrants lets his people go, Michigan Pharaoh Gretchen Whitmer called his bluff.

“Bismillah! No! We will not let them go,” Whitmer said firmly after Trump reportedly cried “Let my people go!” and threw a MAGA hat to the ground, which miraculously transformed into a Big Mac, which he then ate.

“We will not let them go,” Whitmer repeated several more times as Lead Magician and Temple Musician Brian May allegedly turned pink women’s rights hats into vegan milkshakes and blamed the coronavirus on people who eat meat.

“Never let them go!” Whitmer said again. “Never, never, never, never let them go. Oh oh oh oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no!”

The Sacramento Brie attempted to fact-check the claim that Trump then turned Lake Erie into blood, loosed a herd of frogs named Pepe across the land, and called on locusts to eat everybody’s crops. But if America’s Newspaper of Record said it happened then who are we to dispute the reporting?

Author: Huey P. Newsom

Huey P. "Navin" Newsom was born a poor black child who reported illegal immigrants to ICE before he wised up and invented the Sanctuary City. Today, Navin is the governor-in-waiting of California. As the leader of the Democratic Socialists for Self Defense, he plans to wall off the city of Oakland to protect undocumented immigrants from Darrell Steinberg's secret Nazi police force.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.