Hotel maids confirm Earth’s atmosphere is 4 times dustier than computer models predicted

Undocumented hotel maids in space have confirmed the scientific theory that there is four times as much coarse dust in our planet’s atmosphere than previously predicted by climate models.

Scientists made the claim after analyzing dozens of dust observations made by high-flying aircraft, comparing them to how much dust current climate models predict should be in the atmosphere.

But the theory wasn’t confirmed until a crew of undocumented hotel maids on the International Space Station finished a battery of experiments and transmitted their results to NASA’s Johnson Space Center.

“Climate models predicted 4 million metric tons of coarst dust in Earth’s atmosphere, but we found almost 17 metric tons,” said lead hotel maid Sofía Isabella Valentina Archuleta. “But we could have confirmed that without spending $3 billion on a three month misssion into outer space.”

Archuleta said her team knows more about dust than scientists ever will, but that until now no one bothered to ask.

“Don’t get me wrong, we’re grateful for the opportunity,” Archuleta said. “But anyone who needs a computer model to tell them how much dust is in the atmosphere is probably underqualified to work at the local Red Lion.”

Author: Huey P. Newsom

Huey P. "Navin" Newsom was born a poor black child who reported illegal immigrants to ICE before he wised up and invented the Sanctuary City. Today, Navin is the governor-in-waiting of California. As the leader of the Democratic Socialists for Self Defense, he plans to wall off the city of Oakland to protect undocumented immigrants from Darrell Steinberg's secret Nazi police force.

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