Big Science searches for deep ocean crisis that can only be fixed with massive tax increase

According to the Democratic Socialists of America and Google’s parent company Alphabet, more than 80% of Earth’s deep oceans have not been analyzed for the potential to create a planetary crisis requiring the government to tap vast, previously unknown, middle class tax reserves. But a new research and development program could change that.

“This is a critical issue,” said Dr. Evilé, General Manager for a project codenamed Tsunami. “Humanity is pushing the ocean past its breaking point, and we need a moonshot that will make the $93 trillion cost of the Green New Deal look like a drop in the bucket.”

The up front cost to fix yet another crisis that hasn’t been fully documented will be minimal, according to Dr. Evilé.

“The COVID-19 crisis has conditioned people to accept a worldwide economic shutdown, so all the money previously spent on deep sea oil rigs, fishing fleets, and container ships, could be spent directly on saving the oceans,” Dr. Evilé said. “Banning those activities won’t be enough, but higher taxes will cover the rest of the funding.”

“For now, we’re focusing on developing underwater technologies that will help us find the crisis,” he concluded.

Author: Huey P. Newsom

Huey P. "Navin" Newsom was born a poor black child who reported illegal immigrants to ICE before he wised up and invented the Sanctuary City. Today, Navin is the governor-in-waiting of California. As the leader of the Democratic Socialists for Self Defense, he plans to wall off the city of Oakland to protect undocumented immigrants from Darrell Steinberg's secret Nazi police force.

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