Update: The Sacramento Brie can confirm there is no truth to the rumor that Bernie Sanders will run for the office of Socialist Dictator of Romania even if Romania does remain independent from Russia and word gets out that Bernie tampered with elections in Moldova.
In celebration of Bernie Sanders ending his 2020 Campaign for the Unity of All Working People and Firm Action to Achieve Social Development Programs of the Homeland and Continue Lifting the Spiritual and Material Level of the People to Remain a Free Independent Country for the Construction of Socialism, the Sacramento Brie is proud to present the last speech of Socialist Dictator Nicolae Ceausescu, on Dec. 21, 1989, from the balcony of the Romanian Communist Party Headquarters, where he announced the same plan for saving Romania that Bernie announced for saving America:
- Increased minimum wage
- Increased child care allowances
- Increased old-age pensions
- Increased survivor pensions
- Increased social support payments
“We will ensure, in this way, good conditions, appropriate to work and life for all citizens of our country,” Ceausescu told the increasingly restless crowd that was tired of the false hope of Socialism. “These measures demonstrate the strength, with the growth of the economy, we do everything to ensure the continuous rise of living standards, material and spiritual, of the people. … It depends on us that Romania continues to remain a free country, independent and for construction of Socialism!”
Subsequently, Romanians stormed the Communist Party HQ, arrested Ceausescu and his wife, tried them for crimes against the people, and executed them mere moments after finding them guilty.
Bernie and his wife Jane — the Millionaire Socialists with Three Houses — will retire to their Communist dacha in North Hero, Vermont.