Western countries this week were hit by a frenzy of panicked men demanding a “powerful vagina” in the belief that female genitalia can ward off the coronavirus.
Thanks to the pop culture myth that it’s impossible to overestimate the power of a vagina, the number of men hoping to get a yoni to steam rose 15% this week, exceeding even the number of irrational men buying six months worth of toilet paper.
Experts say the number of powerful vaginas available worldwide is never more than a few hundred, and the new spike in demand has already caused a shortage.
“We should have seen this coming when women high on hallucinogenic mushrooms started making millions selling vagina-scented candles and men started getting vagina facials,” said Dr. Coño Poderoso, chair of the Gender-Confirmation Advisory Panel in Los Angeles. “As of now, we don’t think we can contain the hysteria, but we might be able to mitigate it.”