Carmen Sandiego, a Communist double agent working to undermine America from within while achieving vast fame and fortune as a Hollywood actress, emerged today from the Working People’s Democratic Retirement Villa in Washington DC to endorse Sen. Bernie Sanders (C-Vermont) for president.
“We have to get a climate president in office, and the only one right now who wants to spend the necessary $93 trillion is Bernie Sanders,” Sandiego said, dressed in her trademark red cape and hat. “So I’m indirectly saying you have to support Bernie’s plan to dramatically raise your taxes or we’ll all die in the next nine months.”
The former leader of the Villainous International Lenin Enterprise (code-named VILE) has emerged as an outspoken propagandist in favor of efforts to wage all-out war on Earth’s climate. She also gets arrested at least once a week, a habit that only independently wealthy Communists can afford.
In college, Sandiego was active in Students for a Democratic Society, a front group for the Young Communist League USA, which was a front group for the Communist Party USA. After graduating, she was recruited to work for Chinese intelligence during the Resistance War Against America (known in the U.S. as the Vietnam War).
Sandiego went on to star in dozens of films and television shows, eventually winning multiple awards and having a best-selling computer game about international espionage — Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego? — named after her.
After Carmen Sandiego’s Anti-Capitalist Workout became the highest-selling VHS video of all time, she used her vast wealth to found VILE and further the cause of International Socialism.
At Saturday’s press conference, Sandiego tried to convince the crowd that “this is a pivotal moment in the history of America, and really, in the history of humanity.”
“The climate crisis is not only the single greatest challenge facing our country,” she said, flipping the fabric of her $5,000 red cape away from her face, “but it is also our single greatest opportunity to build a more just and equitable future.”
“We must act immediately,” Sandiego concluded, before returning to the Working People’s Democratic Retirement Villa for afternoon tea and a nap.