Galactic bureaucrats order Vogon Bloomberg to give $327 trillion to American taxpayers, or else

A vaguely humanoid species employed by the galactic government’s bureaucrats is poised to erase the Earth unless the former Vogon Mayor of New York gives his entire fortune, estimated at $327 trillion, to individual Americans so their taxes can fund Green New Deal infrastructure.

Constant Mown, the Sub-Executive Vice Chamberlain for Dependencies and Director of Messengers of the Galactic Solicitor General’s Office, in a vaguely threatening tweet this week, said that “if America doesn’t want to save the planet 3 times, they deserve to have Earth replaced with a hyperspace bypass.”

Interviewing Mown on MSNBC’s “The Eleventh Hour with Brian Williams,” Brian Williams asked, “So you see it as a possibility that Bloomberg — if he really wanted to stop Climate Change — he could do it by giving $327 trillion to individual Americans so their taxes could fund Green New Deal infrastructure and he’d still have lunch money left over?”

“That’s an incredible way of putting it,” Mown replied. “But yes, it’s absolutely true and disturbing that Vogon Bloomberg could have done that. But instead, he spent it on universally horrifying campaign poetry.”

“That’s an incredible way of putting it, Constant,” Williams said. “And you’re also saying that every Democrat — with the exception of a handful of Asian Pacific Islanders — still refused to vote for him. Thanks for being with us tonight.”

Author: Huey P. Newsom

Huey P. "Navin" Newsom was born a poor black child who reported illegal immigrants to ICE before he wised up and invented the Sanctuary City. Today, Navin is the governor-in-waiting of California. As the leader of the Democratic Socialists for Self Defense, he plans to wall off the city of Oakland to protect undocumented immigrants from Darrell Steinberg's secret Nazi police force.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.