Mayor Pete introduces team of 9-year-old gay political advisers

Presidential candidate Pete Buttigieg took a moment before the South Carolina debate to introduce a group of 9-year-old gay children who will advise his campaign in the crucial week before Super Tuesday.

“These children are the bravest people I know,” Buttigieg said as other campaign staffers tried to stop the youths from eating pencil erasers and mocking each other for being gay.

“It’s really important for me to tell nine-year-old children who might not be gay tomorrow that their pride in being gay is the center of gravity that holds this country together,” said the former mayor of South Bend, Indiana. “All kinds of chaos is happening around us, and I look forward to the hearing the advice of these very brave pre-pubescent gay children.”

Buttigieg asked the children how many zeroes were in $60 trillion dollars because that’s how much money Bernie Sanders wants to spend on healthcare and the climate. Answers ranged from “three” to “seventy gazillion” and Mayor Pete praised the kids for being “even more stunning and brave than me or my campaign manager.”

When asked what they want to be when they grow up, several of the children said they wanted to be mermaids, cowboys, princesses, or maybe dental hygienists, but that was before they saw Pete and Chasten k-i-s-s-i-n-g and that now they all want to be professional gay political advisers or drag queens.

Author: Huey P. Newsom

Huey P. "Navin" Newsom was born a poor black child who reported illegal immigrants to ICE before he wised up and invented the Sanctuary City. Today, Navin is the governor-in-waiting of California. As the leader of the Democratic Socialists for Self Defense, he plans to wall off the city of Oakland to protect undocumented immigrants from Darrell Steinberg's secret Nazi police force.

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