Sacramento (Pravda) — Citing a vitally urgent, crucial, life-and-death, meat-and-potatoes, bottom-line, fundamental need to fix the homeless crisis that has been festering in California for 15 years, Socialist Pope Gavin Newsom has announced a 5-year plan to build involuntary mental health camps and take control over people unable to care for themselves.
“It’s a disgrace that the richest nation-state of opportunity in America is failing to house and heal its own people,” Pope Newsom said at the 2020 State of the State Address. “That’s why the Office of the Homeless Inquisition will oversee Google’s 5-year plan to duplicate their extensive experience with the surveillance, mobilization, and reeducation of uncooperative residents in Communist China.”
Under a program whimsically nicknamed “The Goolag Archipelago,” anyone who repeatedly fails to pay for public transportation or pick up their own poop from the sidewalk in front of their tent, smokes crack or meth in a drug-free zone, or misgenders an officer of the Homeless Inquisition, could be forced to spend a six-month stretch in a mental health camp.
San Francisco, despite almost two decades of failure, could be the first to assign people the life-saving treatment they need, literally — no ifs ands or buts — at the precise moment they need it. But Newsom said California won’t stop there.
“Every county must establish local camps under the Inquisition’s authority,” Newsom said, “because too often we take individuals off the street without first assuring that treatment is available.”
Jan Sten, deputy head of the Marsh-Xngels Disability Rights Institute, said the program is a work in progress that could evolve into a single, nationwide point system for all American citizens, like a mental health credit score.
“When Justice Brandeis wrote that ‘a single courageous state may … serve as a laboratory’ of democracy, he could have been referring to Communist China, Soviet Russia, or California today,” Sten said. “The Goolag Archipelago is a dream for everyone.”