Democrats prefer meteor strike to Trump, Warren tells primary voters ‘I have a plan for that’

A new 2020 election poll has found that a majority of New Hampshire Democrats said they’d rather “a giant asteroid strikes the earth, extinguishing all human life” than President Donald Trump win re-election.

Elizabeth Warren capitalized immediately on the news, telling voters that she has “a plan for that.”

The extinction event that Warren envisions is Medicare for All, a plan so expensive and dangerous it’s like an asteroid hurtling toward the U.S. electorate.

There’s still time for America to get out of the way of the $30 trillion plan, but experts estimate that the object falling toward the North American landmass is the size of Staten Island, NY, and traveling at 28,000 miles per hour.

“If Medicare for All hits, the resulting crater would be about 125 miles across,” according to a NASA press release issued yesterday. “The initial explosion would instantly kill 75% of doctors within a 500-mile radius.”

After the impact, a “medical winter” would fall over the country unlike anything seen since the dinosaurs went extinct 66 million years ago.

“Nevertheless, she persists,” said NASA. “Even if the impact crater is only 8 miles wide and 10 miles long, our calculations show that 100% of federal government resources — also called ‘taxes’ — would be consumed by a fireball that persists for ten fiscal years.”

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