Miami Gardens, Fla. (CNN) — Climate Change activists all over America, worried that we only have 12 months to ensure the survival of the human race, are using the 54th annual Super Bowl to shame normal people into eating recipes from the most impoverished countries on earth.
“The climate community loves American football,” said Al Gore, who flew by private jet to watch the 2020 NFL championship game in Florida. “But it’s only truly pleasurable when we can humiliate others into doing what we want.”
Instead of chicken wings or pizza, Al Gore said his favorite Super Bowl food is the world’s biggest arachnid — the goliath bird-eating spider — breaded and deep fried.
Leonardo Di Caprio says his favorite snacks include crickets, grasshoppers, and locusts.
“With tons of calcium and protein, these insects are typically known for plagues of Biblical proportions but also have great nutritional value and an extra crunch to each bite,” notes Di Caprio’s recipe. “Eat them raw or cooked.”
Mark Ruffalo sometimes plays an angry guy in the movies, but he’s incredibly nice in real life and says he prefers a bowl of smoked termites with a lite beer to chase them down.
“With a texture similar to peanuts, termites have a nutty, buttery, popcorn flavor,” says Ruffalo’s recipe. “Crunching through the exoskeleton reveals the buttery fat of the insect. The queen termites are so nutritionally dense that they’re fed to undernourished children in Uganda, Zambia, and Baltimore.”
The Sacramento Brie could not confirm that activists are actually eating what they say they’re eating today, but other published recipes include:
- Protein Smoothie with Locust Powder
- Scrambled Caterpillars with Mealworm Bacon
- Stink Bug
- Beetle Larvae Quiche
- Bamboo Worm Fries