Shaken by his consistently terrible polling numbers among illiterate American voters, presidential candidate Mayor Pete Buttigieg met with Al Sharpton in Iowa to craft a strategy for converting Trump’s “credulous, boomer, rube demo” into Buttigieg supporters.
“Unless Mayor Pete does something dramatic, he’ll only win about 2% of naive voters who can’t find Ukraine on a map,” Sharpton said before praying that Buttigieg would be able to actually eat his meal of fried chicken and collard greens. “Unfortunately, that’s about same number of people who say they won’t vote at all.”
So far, polls say Buttigieg has only attracted white people who can spell while also sipping a latte, but Sharpton and other Democrat strategists say that’s not enough.
“He has to do something to convince gullible voters that he’s a regular guy just like them,” Sharpton said, sipping hot tea and snacking on a piece of toast. “I’m here to help him do that.”