Happy California cows treated for depression after Trump signs China trade deal

California dairy cows were happy to provide milk for the world until President Trump signed the trade deal with China this week. Now, according to dairy farmers across the state, once-cheerful bovines are organizing “moo helplessly at the sky” events and seeking group therapy.

“We don’t know why the cows are resisting, but experts tell us it’s either Trump or Communist China,” said Glenn Millar, director of international business development at the California Milk Advisory Board. “For farmers, the trade agreement is a really big deal, fantastic, fantastic news.”

Between 1997 and 2017, California lost 1,269 dairy farms, according to the U.S. Department of Agriculture, so opening up trade with China is a huge deal, according to experts like Millar. Thanks to Trump, China has committed to buying $200 billion more in American goods, including $32 billion more in agriculture products.

But Nikolai Dodman, founder of the Bovine Behavior Clinic at the University of California, Davis, says the cows could be suffering from Trump Derangement Syndrome, or even psychosis brought on by the prospect of supporting a Communist regime.

“Cows moo at the sky on a daily basis, and it’s difficult to say just how happy they are,” Dodman says. “But let’s be clear. If they’re despondent, Trump is responsible.”

Author: Huey P. Newsom

Huey P. "Navin" Newsom was born a poor black child who reported illegal immigrants to ICE before he wised up and invented the Sanctuary City. Today, Navin is the governor-in-waiting of California. As the leader of the Democratic Socialists for Self Defense, he plans to wall off the city of Oakland to protect undocumented immigrants from Darrell Steinberg's secret Nazi police force.

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