Iowa (MSNBC) — Senator Bernie Sanders has reportedly collapsed from clinical exhaustion after a non-stop 96-hour campaign to prove he’s not a bigger liar than Elizabeth Warren.
Sanders was admitted into the Mayo Clinic Friday evening after the campaign reluctantly concluded that his opponent, whose lies are numerous and legendary, is perceived as more honest than Bernie.
“We really thought we could prove our case to the electorate,” said campaign manager Faiz Shakir. “I mean, Bernie and Liz are friends, but let’s be honest. She pretended to be Native American for decades and then apologized for it in a bowling alley just last month!”
“I’m not surprised Bernie collapsed,” Shakir concluded. “It’s hard enough for Americans to believe you’re an honest Socialist, and then your focus group says Elizabeth Warren is more authentic.”