Sacramento (SacBrie) — Huey P. “Navin” Newsom, the disowned nephew of Pope Gavin Newsom, noticed a foreboding statistic in the traffic logs of his small, but growing, right-wing satire site.
Someone was visiting The Sacramento Brie from Google’s corporate intranet.
“At first, I thought, ‘wow, that’s cool’,” said Newsom, a 50-something former black child from Oakland who invented the sanctuary city. “And then I thought, ‘the Eye of Sauron has noticed me.'”
A cold sweat ran down his spine, and Newsom knew he had to do something. So he wrote an article.
“Up-and-coming satirical news site tells Google Corporate, ‘The Babylon Bee has the Ring, not us’,” blared the headline, accompanied by a shockingly fake but accurate image of the evil company’s omnipresent logo rising like a giant eye out of the Sea of Mordor.
“We don’t wish any harm to the Bee or its employees, but it is the only newspaper in the city that twice claimed the title ‘largest city in the world‘,” Newsom said. “If anyone has the Ring, they do.”