Vatican City, Calif. (KFI AM 640) — “Blessed are the shelterless, and the Kingdom of California shall shelter you,” Pope Gavin said today, proclaiming that 156,000 homeless people in California will be taken care of by the Office of the Homeless Inquisition.
“As people of faith, we believe that we have a responsibility to those human beings regardless of whether they got here last week, last month or were born here 30 yrs ago,” the Pope said, adding that his administration will provide $750 million to pay rents and build housing in 2020.
Critics who said it would cost $3.7 billion to supply beds for 92,000 unsheltered people have not been heard from since the papal press conference ended.
“Regardless of the cost, Housing Inquisitor Steinberg will ensure that all 58 counties and 482 cities come up with a plan by the end of the year,” the Pope said. “If there is a shortage of funds, I will instruct the faithful taxpayers to reduce their punishment by buying a tax-deductible housing indulgence.”
“California’s homelessness is a crisis of epic and increasing magnitude,” said Inquisitor Steinberg. “There will be no more of this being an option. It’s past time to do what is fair, compassionate and necessary to save lives.”
Photo by Andrew Mollenbeck, KFI AM 640.