LA Times journalists stage 'die in' after failing to immanentize the Obama eschaton

A decade after becoming convinced that the disorder of the world could be transcended with smart power wielded by a leader of extraordinary insight, distraught journalists at the Los Angeles Times staged a “die in” at the company’s printing plant.

“We discussed committing mass suicide, but the optics weren’t right, and besides that the die in is popular among today’s youth,” said Executive Editor Norman Pearlstine, who authorized the protest.

“We really thought Obama was a lightworker who was going to immanentize the eschaton,” said City Editor Hector Becerra. “And instead of that we’re writing stories about Extinction Rebellion and the Cult of Trump.”

Almost half of the newsroom staff, and a handful of executives, laid down on the printing plant floor for 15 minutes before singing “Amazing Grace” and “To Sir With Love” and returning to the hard work of putting America back on the right side of history.

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