A National Academy of Sciences effort to eliminate all scientific books that weaken diversity and inclusion gained steam this month when the committee in charge of the program realized that Johannes Kepler (1571-1630) was white.
“This is an exciting discovery,” said criminologist Dr. Kimya N. Dennis, who is leading the interdisciplinary project to identify all scientific books ever written and eliminate most of those written by white people.
Unfortunately, the project team in Eurasia encountered a setback recently when it found that all Muslim scientists between 900 and 1600 A.D. were also ethnically white.
“That was discouraging,” said Dr. Dennis. “But all it means is we have to base modern science on ideas that go further back than the first century. We can still get rid of Kepler’s 650-page Astronomia Nova, and his racist three laws of planetary motion.”
The project has teams working their way through libraries on the five, six, or seven continents, but the largest team is focusing on Europe because, as Dr. Dennis explains, “that’s where most of the white people are.”
Dr. Dennis says it’s possible that some white books will remain on the shelves. A treatise on the medieval “elephant clock” by Arab engineer Al-Jazari (1136–1206) is under consideration even though he was probably not brown.
“When I first saw the book on the elephant clock, I was ecstatic,” said Dr. Dennis, “because here was an obviously black scientist demonstrating the power of multicultural science.”
“The elephant represents the Indian and African cultures, the two dragons represents Chinese culture, the phoenix represents Persian culture, the water work represents Greek culture, and the turban represents Islamic culture,” Al-Jazari wrote upon finishing the development and construction of the clock.
Unfortunately, a closer examination of the illustration reveals that the “black scientist” guiding the elephant was really just a slave. It is still possible that the bearded Al-Jazari, atop the contraption, is not white, but there is not enough scientific evidence to reach such a conclusion.
“We’re still searching for enough black scientific books to replace all the white ones,” said Dr. Dennis. “And although we’ve had some setbacks, when the project is finally completed the world can start over with brown science.”