Tehran (NBC News) — Iran unveiled its latest long-range ballistic missile today after announcing the country’s leaders would not abide by the 2015 nuclear deal that they never abided by in the first place.
The missile platform is based on the Shahab-3, but adds a tall white beast bigger than a donkey but smaller than a mule, with personal pronouns of ze/hir, that can target hir missiles to the farthest boundary of hir gaze.
Iran’s new Quds Force commander said the missile-delivery beast identifies as the “non-binary lightning horse” that carried Muhammad himself, making its triconic re-entry vehicles even more deadly against the Great Satan.
“If true, a nuclear-armed flying horse of indeterminate gender puts all Americans at risk of nuclear conflagration,” said NBC’s Chuck Todd. “But even if this is just a fairy tale, Muslims who believe it deserve our respect.”
Defense policy experts for CNN, NBC, ABC, and CBS said the Pentagon would have to review its rules of engagement to determine if attacking the new weapon would be a hate crime.
Quitting the nuclear deal is less problematic than Muhammad’s flying missile platform, said Matt Margolis.
“It would be earth-shattering news if Iran ever stuck to the limitations of the nuclear deal in the first place,” Margolis said, adding that the deal was a “disaster” that Iran violated “three months after the deal was made.”
Both announcements came after an emergency meeting of Iran’s National Security Council on Sunday to discuss the country’s nuclear policy after the unfortunate battlefield death of Maj. Gen. Qassim Soleimani.