God reveals updates to 2020 edition of Ten Commandments

Sacramento, Calif. (Scientology News Service) — God’s gift to California revealed his latest updates to the Ten Commandments at a news conference on New Year’s Day 2020.

“The suggestion about not murdering people was our most important reform,” said Gov. Newsom, who represents God in the Golden State. “If you are threatening to murder someone, the new Commandment requires police to consider if it’s necessary to stop you, and deescalate the situation with a stern warning.”

“We also kept the word ‘kill’ in the text because some people are triggered by the M word,” Newsom added.

In a change that should have a net positive affect on the state’s murder rate in future years, a new clause was added to the fifth commandment.

“We thought that ‘Honor your father and your mother’ simply didn’t go far enough, so we added a clause demanding that students respect their teachers after the fifth grade,” Newsom said. “We tried for universal respect, but the teachers’ unions wouldn’t budge.”

Under the new fifth commandment, students up to fifth grade can’t be suspended for disrupting school activities or willful defiance, effective with the school year that begins in August.

Critics say the new language will encourage students to break other commandments, like the prohibitions against stealing and lying about classmates, but Newsom tentatively disagrees.

“If that does happen, we can fund a statewide study about lying and stealing, but God has assured me that won’t be necessary,” Newsom said.

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