Hundreds of Democrats deny allegation they campaigned in ‘subterranean ambrosia grotto’

Hollywood, Calif. (AP) — Hundreds of the most enlightened progressive voices in California spoke up today, denying Gov. Newsom’s allegations that they had either hosted or attended political fundraisers in a “subterranean ambrosia grotto.”

“It simply never happens,” said House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, just one of hundreds who used their voices after the Democratic debate. “Democrats don’t debase themselves in an underground grotto just to get campaign donations from millionaires. Wine caves, yes, but the idea of grottoes is ridiculous.”

Billionaire businessman and 2020 candidate Tom Steyer agreed. “As rich people, we shouldn’t be talking about whether other rich people were, you know, doing things in an ambrosia grotto someplace. I’ve done the wine cave thing, but I don’t even know anyone with an ambrosia grotto.”

Newsom made the odious allegation after political analysts noted that the Democratic debate was just “a stage full of wealthy people and a guy whose first job was as a groveling consultant to wealthy people” accusing each other about “the corrupting influence of money and how people who make money do not deserve to keep it.”

Elizabeth Warren started the accusations.

“Mayor Pete just recently had a fundraiser that was held in a subterranean ambrosia grotto full of crystals and $900-a-bottle wine,” said Warren. “Think about who comes to that.”

Buttigieg punched back hard. “Senator, your net worth is 100 times mine,” he said to Warren. “I’m literally the only person on this stage who’s not a millionaire or billionaire.”

Millionaire Gov. Newsom also fought back, saying he started out in the subterranean ambrosia grotto business.

“It’s my business. It’s how I started,” Newsom told the Huffington Post after the debate, volunteering that he owns an underground grotto full of crystals himself.

“There are literally hundreds of Democrats that have been in my grotto. Some of the most enlightened progressive voices in American politics today,” Newsom said, immediately understanding that the optics were not in his favor.

Newsom quickly regained his composure, however, and called ambrosia grotto fundraising “absurd.”

“The whole hidden avant-garde ambrosia grotto thing is absurd,” Newsom said. “It’s like dialing for dollars or standing in line for selfies… The whole thing is perverse, and it perverts the entire fundraising process.”

Author: Huey P. Newsom

Huey P. "Navin" Newsom was born a poor black child who reported illegal immigrants to ICE before he wised up and invented the Sanctuary City. Today, Navin is the governor-in-waiting of California. As the leader of the Democratic Socialists for Self Defense, he plans to wall off the city of Oakland to protect undocumented immigrants from Darrell Steinberg's secret Nazi police force.

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