The Communist Party of China has torn down 3 million portraits of Chairman Mao across the country and replaced them with enormous photographs of LeBron James. NBA players and anti-fascist demonstrators across America were puzzled with the news, but not displeased.
“We’ve needed a new face of the movement for awhile, and everyone looks up to LeBron anyway,” said one Antifa of Portland demonstrator as he threw a trash can through the window of a downtown toy store. “They didn’t need to disrespect the Cultural Revolution before ours gets started, though. I don’t get it.”
James — who goes by @KingJames on Twitter — admitted that the NBA’s reputation has suffered a minor setback from Daryl Morey’s unfortunate words, but said the unveiling of 3 million new public portraits of himself has “helped all of us get through a difficult week.”
Lakers head coach Frank Vogel said on Twitter that the portraits will provide a big morale boost as the team heads to Xinjiang province for their exhibition game with the Red Army.
“@KingJames has been remarkably humble throughout his career,” Vogel tweeted. “He hasn’t spoken much about the 3 million portraits, and the team respects that. I trust him even more now.”
The NBA issued a statement, saying “the league will return to business as usual in China as soon as possible.”
Editor’s Note: Mao Zedong ruled China as Chairman of the Communist Party until his death in 1976. He presided over the Great Leap Forward, which caused the deaths of 15 million people, and the Great Proletarian Cultural Revolution which caused another 3 million deaths and the needless suffering of 100 million. But just knowing that a billion people under Communist rule can now see a picture of LeBron James every day is more reparations than anyone could have hoped for.