Faced with the expanding scandal of the corporate corruption personified by his son Hunter, presidential candidate Joe Biden today released a comprehensive worldwide list of boards that did not pay his children.

“Frankly, it’s just easier this way,” Joe Biden said after news broke that Hunter was paid to serve on the Amtrak Board of Directors because he spent a lot of time on trains. “The list of boards my kids have not been paid to serve on is much smaller, which will make it easier for the press to report.”

Expert analysis of the list finds that none of Biden’s children served on any boards in the for-profit porn or non-profit religious industries.

“When you do a deep dive into the admittedly small list, what emerges is that [Joe] Biden’s sons were moderates who kept themselves away from controversy by avoiding extremes,” said analyst Claire Voyant.

“I can count on three hands the number of boards that didn’t pay anyone named Biden,” Voyant said. “In today’s international, multicultural world, that’s impressive by any standard.”