Screwtape: Hell frozen over as black female GM fired for racial slurs

HELL (Satan News Network) — In a rare convergence of racial and climate politics, Satan’s dominion recorded an unprecedented hard freeze after the Los Angeles Sparks fired general manager Penny Toler for a postgame racial tirade when the team lost Game 2 in the second round of the WNBA playoffs.

SNN reporters embedded with ESPN said temperatures in Hell had inched up a few degrees and Satan was laughing in the dark when Toler hurled an obscenity-laced speech at the team that included the N-word.

“All was going to plan when Toler called her players ‘m*****f*****s,'” said SNN managing editor Screwtape, who also serves as Undersecretary of Climate Science. “And then one of her players said, and I quote, ‘You can’t say that in 2019.'”

The embedded reporters scrambled to salvage the situation, asking players how they felt about being called the N-word, but the damage had been done.

Several Sparks players unexpectedly told SNN the speech made them feel uncomfortable and that Toler showed them “total disrespect.”

“The ******* sensors reached the lowest ******* temperatures ever ******* recorded when Toler was fired,” said Screwtape. “You probably call that a miracle, but you really need to understand how it affects the news media when a woman of color says ‘nobody should’ use the N-word.”

Fortunately for SNN, the climate in Hell reversed itself shortly after the firing, as Toler said the N-word “wasn’t directed at any of my players” and “this whole conversation has been taken out of context.”

Current temperatures in Hell are still at historic lows, but SNN is working hard to ensure the climate continues to warm.

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