The largely civilian, but well-organized, Sunni Islamic militia in Afghanistan has agreed to an assault weapons ban after students from Parkland High School, Florida, took their gun control message to peace talks in the war-torn Middle East.
Taliban leaders have refused to speak to the Afghan government, calling it a “puppet regime,” but agreed to speak with Harvard student David Hogg out of “solidarity” with the mass shooting survivor.
“We have a deep respect for David and his comrades,” said a Taliban representative in Qatar, where the peace talks are being held. “They know what it’s like to be targeted by a fascist government bent on their destruction.”
Taliban insurgents in the field immediately turned in their AK-47 assault rifles and ended their long, armed, quest for religious freedom against a superior standing army led by the United States.
“I can’t quite believe it yet, but Mr. Hogg convinced a ragtag group of farmers that weapons of war like the AK-47 should not be in the hands of civilians,” said US special envoy Zalmay Khalilzad. “Empire America under the fascist leadership of Donald Trump is finally free to enslave the Taliban who foolishly opposed us for 18 years.”
Hogg said his negotiating team is returning to Florida while he goes back to Harvard.
“Now it’s our turn to forge our weapons into smartphones and submit to fascism,” Hogg said. “It’s the only way to have peace in our time.”