Vermont Senator and Democrat Presidential candidate Bernie Sanders demonstrated his Green New Jobs program this morning by defecating on a San Francisco sidewalk and immediately joining the cleanup crew sent by Mayor London Breed.
“My program will create 20 million new jobs across the country,” Sanders said, hiking up his pants and picking up a shovel as one of his top aides dashed the fecal matter with rainbow ice cream sprinkles.
“This Socialism shit is better than anything, man,” said a supporter who identified herself as Filthyjeans Lauren. “Like, Bernie showed me a picture of Chairman Mao, and said, like, he’s gonna make it better for everyone somehow.”
Another Democrat voter used hand signals to indicate how bummed he was that Bernie didn’t take the opportunity to do some fentanyl with him and his crew.
A few of Sanders’ Democrat rivals labeled it as a “political stunt,” but admitted off the record that they wished they had thought of it first.
Kamala Harris said her jobs program would recruit twice as many people to defecate in the streets and double the number of federal prosecutors to fix the problem once and for all.
“I will take immediate action to combat this rising threat to our nation,” Harris said. “I was California’s Attorney General, and I will lead the charge to protect our environment from this toxic scourge.”
Not to be outdone, Dr. Jill Biden — who has taken over all public appearances while her husband is sequestered from open microphones — quickly convened a publicity shot where she spiked one her husband’s adult diapers in the same location used by Sanders.
The movement by Sanders was clearly an effort to shore up his political base in California, as his poll numbers have been on the wane. Sanders has been attacking his rivals as “inauthentic, all talk, and lacking intestinal fortitude.”