Campaign operatives for presidential candidate Bernie Sanders herded likely voters into a waterfront warehouse near Baltimore’s Fort McHenry this week to determine if it is finally safe for Democrats to use racial profiling on a national scale.
“We used to say racial profiling was evil,” said a staffer who requested anonymity. “This year, if we can convince voters that every white person is a terrorist, we might have a chance.”
Sanders, backed by powerful lights borrowed from CNN, questioned the voters one by one.
“Is it safe?” the senator asked. “Is it safe?”
Some witnesses said they had no idea what Sanders was talking about, but that he seemed harmless enough. Others said the senator threatened them with dental tools if they didn’t tell him what he wanted to know.
Campaign officials said they’re convinced that 60% of the country are White Nationalists, and that torture could be the only way to find out the truth.
“He asked me if loved America,” said Billy Joe Bob, “but I told him I was voting for Elizabeth Warren and he let me go. I heard screams when the next guy said real Americans love Chick-fil-A.”
Given his difficult loss in 2016, experts say it’s critical for Bernie to know just how far he can push the White Supremacy talking point. Insiders even say that Barack Obama could license his Truth Team to the Sanders campaign for a suitable fee.