‘Godzilla King of the Monsters’ to come out as transgender in 2020

After 66 years, Godzilla will finally break the mold of toxic masculinity in 2020, when the “King of Monsters” publicly identifies as the world’s largest prehistoric transgender sea monster.

Since 1954, Godzilla has been portrayed as a male “God of Destruction” that utterly lacks moral agency, nukes everything in its path with an “atomic heat beam” generated from inside its body, and cannot be held to international law.

That will all change in 2020.

The new Godzilla still won’t actually like humans beings, nor will she make any special effort to protect human life or property, but she also won’t turn against her allies on a whim. Instead, she will fight alongside social justice warriors against the common threats of climate change, white supremacy, and toxic masculinity.

Transzilla’s signature weapon will no longer be the unstoppable force of atomic breath, but the immovable object known as “resting bitch face” that will defeat the male gaze once and for all.

The creature’s two-syllable male roar will be resampled using a set of contemporary sounds including every Shia LaBeouf movie, and will become a nuanced multisyllabic expression of emotional fury more suitable for a transgender amphibian superpredator.

Author: Huey P. Newsom

Huey P. "Navin" Newsom was born a poor black child who reported illegal immigrants to ICE before he wised up and invented the Sanctuary City. Today, Navin is the governor-in-waiting of California. As the leader of the Democratic Socialists for Self Defense, he plans to wall off the city of Oakland to protect undocumented immigrants from Darrell Steinberg's secret Nazi police force.

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