American Democratic Socialists witnessing Venezuela’s economic death spiral have found a silver lining that was predicted by early Marxist thinkers more than 100 years ago.
As the Bolivarian Republic of Venezuela sinks to levels of despair only witnessed by Soviet Russia, criminals can’t find anything worth stealing and can’t afford the bullets to shoot anyone.
The feared street gangster El Negrito — who sleeps with a gun and can’t count how many people he’s murdered — told the Associated Press that shooting someone pays less than a $15 clip of bullets.
“If I’d known this in 2016 I’d have made it part of my platform,” said 2020 presidential candidate Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-VT). “Nicolas Maduro has somehow stumbled onto the El Dorado of common sense gun control, and America needs to take it seriously before it’s too late.”
National Treasury chief Nelson Reinaldo Lepaje Salazar, who finally admitted the zero-bolivar Karl Marx bills haven’t stopped Venezuela’s slide into a dystopian Communist shithole, said his country can still be saved by ruthless economic control of bullet ownership.
“There may not have been room on the Karl Marx bill to illustrate its actual value,” said Salazar, “but Communism’s concept of gun control is far more valuable than the Yankee imperialist concept of individual liberty.”