Governor demands federal funds for crisis that doesn’t exist

“The White Hispanic governor of New Mexico is demanding an unknown amount of federal money to help pay for a crisis that doesn’t exist,” Gov. Michelle Lujan Grisham said today from an empty building in an undisclosed location.

Moments later, realizing the cameras were rolling, the governor said, “Wait. What? Take two.”

“There is no immigration crisis on the southern border, but even if there was I wouldn’t tell Trump how much money I’m demanding,” she said, gesturing to the emptiness around her. “New Mexico will not take part in a charade that stigmatizes thousands of Latinos who aren’t even coming here.”

Charities, churches and other groups in New Mexico also deny that they’re “coping” with thousands of migrants seeking asylum, but that they’ll find some use for the money.

“We’ve already spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on this fake crisis, and Deming and Otero County have declared a state of non-emergency,” said the governor. “We simply don’t have any money to waste on something that’s not even happening. The Trump dictatorship has to give us more money, or else.”

The governor did not specify what “else” might happen if the funds are not forthcoming, but the she traveled to Washington, D.C., to press her claim with a few of the dictator’s minions.

“It’s not a crisis, but we want federal reimbursement for all kinds of things,” spokesman Tripp Stelnicki said.

Read the press release below.

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