Marxists seize means of production at American Roofing Company, Inc.

Working class employees of American Roofing Company, Inc., seized the means of production last month and are now running the biggest roofing business in the greater metro area of Podunk, Wisconsin.

“Having workers as owners solves lots of problems,” explained marxist roofer Dan Whelan, who led the corporate takeover and rebranded the company “American Roofing Collective.”

“First, because diversity is so important, everyone who works at ARC is now working class, and anyone who isn’t doesn’t work here anymore,” said Whelan. “I mean, you just can’t work anywhere if you identify as an owner.”

Whelan said “seize” doesn’t have to mean “take by force,” and he doesn’t know what happened to the former owners of his company, although he’s sure they landed on their feet.

“Also, the term ‘middle class’ is a fiction that deliberately obscures the relationship and conflict between workers and the owners of society,” Whelan said. “So flattening everyone into the working class reduces tension between workers and customers.”

The Roofing Collective will still honor the warranty of any roof installed by the previous owners, but if they can’t Whelan is sure his working class customers will understand.

The working class owners of the Roofing Collective are represented by the AFL-CIO, which supported the non-violent confiscation of American Roofing by tweeting, “We all need to seize the means of production.”

The Sacramento Brie asked what happens to “workers” who become “owners” by seizing the companies they work for, but received no response by press time.

Editor’s note: A typo of the word “flattening” has been fixed because the SacBrie is the most transparent media company in history since the New York Times received a Pulitzer Prize for their reporting on the flattening of the middle class in Soviet Russia.

Author: Huey P. Newsom

Huey P. "Navin" Newsom was born a poor black child who reported illegal immigrants to ICE before he wised up and invented the Sanctuary City. Today, Navin is the governor-in-waiting of California. As the leader of the Democratic Socialists for Self Defense, he plans to wall off the city of Oakland to protect undocumented immigrants from Darrell Steinberg's secret Nazi police force.

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