‘Local’ newspapers see ‘73% increase’ in use of ‘scare quotes’

“Local” newspapers around the country “under siege” by “hate-filled” “free riders” are “fighting back” with a “ReadLocal” social media campaign that has increased the use of “scare quotes” by up to 73 percent.

Organized by “corporate” editors headquartered in far-away cities, the “ReadLocal” campaign is a response to “news deniers” who have cancelled their subscriptions because the media has become a “wolfpack” that “divides” readers into “communities” that are easier to “conquer.”

“Nothing could be further from the truth,” said McClatchy Company President and CEO Craig Forman. “I myself oversee 29 totally independent daily newspapers in fourteen states, and our use of ‘scare quotes’ hasn’t risen above 37 percent since the AP Stylebook ordered every editor to use ‘undocumented’ instead of ‘illegal.'”

Sacramento Bee editor Lauren Gustus, who’s also the “Regional Editor” for Idaho and California, “violently” disagreed with the “character assassination” of “corporate media” outlets.

“I violently reject the characterization that McClatchy is the McDonalds of the news business,” said Gustus. “Just because our local media brands reach far beyond their geographic borders and connect with audiences across the nation doesn’t mean they’re edited by some faceless bureaucrat who works two states away and was hired from another local news chain by the corporate office.”

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