Green New Deal demands death of all cows in India

India is the largest milk-producing country in the world and the cow is sacred to religions such as Hinduism. But under the Green New Deal proposed by Justice Democrats in America, the sacred animals would be systematically eradicated from the the Indian subcontinent by the year 2031.

“There are 191 million cows in India, and we’re a nuclear power,” noted Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi. “Even Mahatma Gandhi would have responded with force to this green Yankee imperialism.”

“Gandhi said he worshiped the cow and would defend its worship against the whole world,” said Modi. “The central fact of Hinduism is cow protection.”

Justice Democrats spokesman Waleed Shahid, a devout Muslim, countered with his own Gandhi quote, saying, “Mother cow is as useful dead as when she is alive.”

Shahid also insisted that Indians need to lighten up. “Cow genocide is a distant third on our list. The first two goals are net-zero farting cows, and that cows be milked only with their express verbal consent.”

The Indian subcontinent is not convinced that Americans or Muslims can be trusted. A spiritual leader who declined to be identified told us that “mother cow is as important as our own mother.” Citizens at the largest cattle fair in India said protection of indigenous cow breeds means protection of their culture.

“The cow may have played a major role in the evolution of human civilization,” said Shahid, “but now we have to fish or cut bait. Both the cow and the Green New Deal can’t be the greatest blessing of god to mankind.”

To find out more about cows in India, watch the documentary, “Indian Cow: A Moving Temple.”

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