‘Green New Toy’ program recalls billions of fossil fuel vehicles

Two-year-old Isabella cried as her mother gently placed the pink Step2 Whisper Ride Sportster into the recycling bin and accepted a $10 gift card in return.

“AOC says it’s bad to drive our own cars,” said Camilla, a single mom from Citrus Heights, California. “I’ll replace it with whatever you want, I promise.”

Parents around the country are bracing their children and themselves for a massive toy recall as a coalition of the world’s largest toy makers have agreed to abandon the existing $89 billion toy market and design an entire new fleet of toys for children who want their entertainment to reflect the Green New Deal.

“But this is not just a mandatory recall of billions of toys that simulate fossil fuel technology,” said Toy Association spokesperson Stulta Giocattolo. “It also means Progressive adults have to fundamentally reimagine the role of toys for children everywhere.”

Toy giants like Lego, Nintendo, Hasbro, and Disney say they are paying children who are unwilling to voluntarily recycle their favorite toys, estimating the buyback program could cost $150 billion over five years.

Toy cars, trucks, airplanes, and construction equipment based on real-world gas and diesel models will be in the first round of recalls. The second round will target toy infrastructure. Products like Playmobil and Little Tikes gas stations that brainwash toddlers into supporting Big Oil will be taken without compensation.

After toddlers have been disenfranchised, Democratic Socialists expect to target gas-powered radio-controlled vehicles popular among teens and young adults.

As for Isabella, her mother admits she lied. “I’m not buying her whatever she wants,” said Camilla. “It’s time we got back to our roots. My grandparents played with wooden sticks, and I’m investing in the bamboo market. It’s a win-win.”

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