Ralph Northam to stay on as first transgender governor of color in history

Virginia Governor Ralph Northam (D) will become America’s first transgender governor of color, injecting new vigor into the veins of a Democratic Party that almost aborted him a year after voters dragged him kicking and screaming into the governor’s mansion.

“My personal pronoun is ‘they’,” Northam said in a press conference held late today. “But to keep things simple my name will remain Ralph.”

Northam’s advisors held focus groups to see if he had enough support to continue as governor, according to several people, and opinions of constituents were more positive when he identified as a woman of color.

The decision not to resign comes after the governor voiced support for post-birth abortions and admitted appearing in blackface, and possibly a KKK costume, before denying anything in his life that occurred before his transition.

“As a woman of color I would never abort my baby and I certainly wouldn’t wear a Klan uniform,” Northam said before moonwalking away from the podium.

Update: Lt. Gov. Justin Fairfax, who is black, has suggested that Gov. Northam’s refusal to step down is a reprehensible example of black-on-black crime designed to prevent him from becoming Governor.

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