Too damn high: California drug cartel cuts weed tax to stimulate economy

“We taxed marijuana and now the price is too damn high!” Xavier Becerra barked into the microphone. “Tax cuts hurt the economy, but if we can’t compete with the black market we shouldn’t be in the drug business!”

Becerra is California’s Attorney General, the legal cartel’s top enforcer, and when anyone needs to know what laws to ignore the buck stops at his desk. If was up to him, growing and buying legal weed would get cheaper in the Golden State.

“What the hell are you going to do about it now that Jerry Brown’s gone?” Becerra asked.

Lawmakers have bowed to Becerra’s demands, announcing a bill that would reduce the cannabis excise tax and eliminate the cultivation tax for three years or until all the illegal drug cartels become legal, whichever comes first.

“High taxes don’t usually harm a Progressive economy because our ideas are so good they don’t have any competition,” said Assemblyman Rob Bonta, D-Alameda. “But when bad actors are more competitive on price and cost, we need to level the playing field for good actors. At least temporarily.”

Assemblyman Tom Lackey, R-Palmdale, who supports the bill, said “the price of legal weed is artificially high because buyers pay taxes that are equal to 45 percent of the purchase price.”

“The illicit market is selling twice as much weed than before legalization,” Lackey said. “Bad actors are evading taxes and making our communities less safe. Frankly, they’re unpatriotic.”

State Treasurer Fiona Ma, another bill co-sponsor, said she thinks lower taxes are unpatriotic but will make everyone more patriotic.

“A 15 percent excise tax is too damn high even for the most ardent patriots,” Ma said. “Last year, revenue from cannabis taxes was $100 million less than projected. Lower taxes are almost always unpatriotic, but if more people pay the lower tax instead of betraying our high-tax state, we could see revenue jump substantially.”

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